Intolerance of the LGB spectrum as a Trans society

Over the course of a couple of months, I have noticed an uneasy and growing trend among the trans community in regards to Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals (primarily against Lesbians and Gays). The trend is that the trans community is becoming more intolerant of LGB.

I have heard phrases such as "they have thrown us under the bus", "they support us when they want something out of it", "I don't wanna be associated with Gays and Lesbians", etc.

Ironically, the VAST majority of those who state these comments are male to female transgender lesbians (if you are new to the transgender world, a Male to Female transgender Lesbian is a person who identifies themselves as female but was biologically born a male but is only sexually attracted to women). I find this ironic because the very definition of their status makes them a lesbian. But they are against Lesbians and Gays. If you can figure it out, please comment and let me know because I cannot figure out their logic.

Another trend I have noticed is that the female to male trans community is not making such a big deal out of the issue. Actually, transmen are probably the most accepting in our community when it comes to having to label a trans or various other topics that transwomen will lose their temper on.

In my opinion, the gay and lesbian communities have done such a wonderful job of getting their voices heard. They spent decades of blood, sweat, and tears to be recognized as a viable, normal, and equal member of society. In a sense, they have laid out a very nice road for us trans people when it comes to educating others. The last thing we should do is getting on our soap boxes and spouting out stereotypical rhetoric against them.

For the longest time, transpeople have lived in the closet. Many of us quietly make the transition and once they have transitioned they will go stealth. This is a choice every trans person will have to go through. If you go stealth, then that is wonderful. The problem lies in the issues where those who go stealth will look down upon those transpeople who decide not to go stealth and vice versa. I bring this up because many who are stealth do not want to be associated in the "LGBT" tree and that's fine. However, using reasons such as "I don't like gay and lesbians" or "gays and lesbians hate trans people" is not only unwarranted but it is not factual and is immature at best. When you group every gay and lesbian in this category then you are stereotyping. Once you stereotype gays and lesbians then you are no different than the people who stereotype trans people.

I have also made a very quick video response regarding this blog and I wanted to share it here with you all. The reason why I did both a video and a written blog was to show how important this subject is to me.

Transsexual Vs Transgender

The debate rages on and people are taking sides.

For some, the term of transgender or transsexual has become so heated that people are leaving trans friendly websites who simply has "transgender" or "transsexual" on their websites. Even if you (as a transgender) do not take a side on this issue, you are still affected if you belong to a website. Chances are you have seen the debate.

As related to one of my prior blog posts, I have discussed the issue of labeling. My stance is to call yourself whatever you identify with but do not impose your convictions of what is a proper label onto someone else. Basically, it all boils down to respect. Respect others if you disagree with their "label" and hope to be respected for your label in return.

When it comes to whatever I want to call it, I label myself as a transgender. It isn't just me picking this word because I had to choose something; I picked this to identify with myself because it made the most sense "to me."

Why do I call myself a transgender versus a transsexual?

In my opinion, the word "transsexual" in inherently flawed in it's very terminology. If you study into the meaning of the word "transsexual" then it imposes a meaning that one is sexually attracted to someone who crosses a gender identity. Likewise, homosexual imposes a meaning that one is sexually attracted to someone who shares the same sexual identity and heterosexual imposes a meaning that one is sexually attracted to someone of the opposite sexual identity.

When you look at the term in this manner then one who isn't familiar with "transsexual" would often assume we are transsexual because we are sexually attracted to someone who crosses a gender identity.

First of all, being trans does not mean anything about ones sexuality. Being trans has everything to do with how you view your gender identity. For example, you can be Male to Female and like women or you can be Female to Male and be sexually attracted to men or both men or women.

I choose the word "Transgender" because when you study the word itself, then it literally means "one who crosses a gender." This, to me, makes the most sense. This is why I chose to identify myself as transgender.

Another thing I have noticed about some who do not like the word "transgender" will often follow up with the comments that they do not want to be associated with "those cross dressers who dresses up as a fetish." They believe that many of the issues in which people do not accept us is because the cross dressers ruin it for everyone as the general population believes that we do this as a fetish.

I am sorry, but I hardly believe that changing one's label from transgender to transsexual or vice versa will change the populations' opinion in this matter. A name change or a name reinforcement does not change the opinions of a population that knows very little of our situations.

Education causes the change in the populations' opinion; labels do not.

An example of this is how some vilify the cross dressing community because of our lack of rights to use the gender aligned bathroom of our choice. Stressing one label over another is not going to change a population who may be against us using the bathroom that fits our gender identity. Education changes the people's perception of us. Not us arguing over what label is better than the other.

The bottom line is use whatever term you wish to describe yourself but don't impose your term on everyone who is trans because not everyone will agree with you and don't use excuses to attack another who uses another term than you because it's what the general population perceives us as.

HRT: To self medicate or not to self medicate

Within the Transgender Community, there is always discussions about the topic of self medicating oneself. Some sites allow discussions to be had openly on this subject while other subjects strictly forbid the discussion.

For those who are not transitioning or simply do not know what Self Medicating is, let me explain:

Self Medicating HRT is done when a transgender person takes Hormone Replacement Therapy on their own without a doctor's supervision and/or consent. In theory, when one takes the necessary steps to transition to another gender the following is usually adhered to (according to the standards of transgender care):

1. Counseling with an approved Psychologist or Psychiatrist.
2. If the Counselor finds you are ready (either mentally or physically or both), then your Doctor will ok the use of HRT. He or She will write a letter approving you to seek out these medical part of your journey.
               a. Hormone approval time is different for everyone and is different in various countries. Some              therapists require you to be in therapy for however long he or she finds you are ready. Some therapists even require you to live out the Real Life Experience first (living fulltime in your preferred gender).
                b.  Again, this is different depending on the country you reside in and their own established set of parameters for transgender care.
3. You seek out an Endocrinologist. Typically, you seek out an Endocrinologist who is sympathetic or understands the transgender processes. Some Endocrinologists will not place you under their care. Some Endocrinologists will. It all depends on the doctor.
4. The Endocrinologist will then do a series of blood work and tests to determine if you are a candidate for Hormone Replacement Therapy. The blood work is done primarily for two reasons: 1. To make sure you are healthy enough to do this and 2. To monitor your progress of the newly introduced hormones in your body.
5. While you see your Endocrinologist for ongoing lab tests, he or she will then make changes to your HRT or keep it the same depending on your results.
6. Real Life Experience (RLE) for typically one year at the minimum for SRS letters. Typically, in the United States, you are allowed HRT before doing the RLE. I know in some countries, they require you to do some time of RLE prior to HRT. RLE is extremely important because why you are utterly convinced you know you are the other gender, the RLE will make sure that your feelings are truly gender oriented. RLE is not as simple as it sounds.

Wearing makeup, skirt, and everything girly out in public can be a real challenge when you do it for the very first time. Many therapists highly recommend you to do this one a part time bases. I, however, went fulltime RLE right off the bat and it was during my first day of classes at Seminary. After the first 50 minutes of our orientation day, I ran into the bathroom and threw up. The social changes you go through when you do your RLE on the first day can be very intense. RLE is a therapist's boot camp way of knowing if you are really serious about this and trust me, if you do RLE and you ease into it, then you are serious.
7. Recommendation for Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS or GRS) (or Feminine Facial Surgery or Breast Augmentations). The final step is the letters for the final process of your "medical" aspect of transitioning. Some transgender girls forgo this part because they feel they do not need SRS to feel complete.

Now I mentioned the entire list because as you can see, the Hormone Replacement Therapy covers steps 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. My point is, it is a very involving process.

Your body literally goes through a metamorphic change. Your scent may change, your breast may grow larger, your skin may become smoother, your body features may become more soft and curvy vs hard and rigid and you will go through some emotional changes. Eliminating one hormone in your body that your body is very used to and then introducing an entirely new hormone into your body is a big deal!

There is so many changes that do go through your body both mentally and physically that I find it to be more wise to seek out the proper steps to be properly medicated versus trying to do it on your own.

There are many reasons why people self medicate:

1. They may be married and not "out" to their spouse or partner. Going through this medical steps will be very difficult to hide who you are. Ordering these medications from the internet and shipping it to a PO Box is a lot more easier for them.
2. They may not be able to afford all those necessary steps needed to be legitimately prescribed HRT. Let's face it, in the United States we do not have a very good health plan. You either work for a company that gives it to you at a highly discounted price or you don't have it at all. If you have no medical insurance, seeing a therapist for months will become very expensive.
3. They may have medical insurance but their provider may not cover HRT for transgender people as some insurance companies do not see it as a "necessary medical intervention." Many Endocrinologists will label the diagnoses in a manner where it will be covered but there are those insurance companies that will outright refuse your prescriptions.
4.Some may not want to go through the standards of care but just want to jump right in and start "pill popping."

I know many girls think "oh i heard it before but I never knew one person who got sick." Well, I knew of three who died and two who have had major strokes. And I have only transitioned for about two years now. So, yes. It does happen. It really isn't a scare tactic to make you see a therapist or doctor.

Please understand the medical complexities and workings of the drugs you are taking. For example, I knew a girl who was popping in 400mg of Spiro daily. Good lord. 400 mg is overkill and the only thing she was doing was destroying her kidneys because of all the sodium being sucked out of her body at rapid successions. She often complained she had to pee every twenty minutes. Hmm...maybe because she was eating spiro like it was Candy Canes??

I knew of another girl who was popping in 14 mg of Estrogen daily. Not only is 14mg of Estrogen daily very, very, very expensive (especially without a prescription) but it was also wasteful. Your body does not metabolize 14mg of estrogen like that. The only thing she was doing was destroying her liver and to this day, she does have abnormal liver function.

Know the right amounts you should be taken. This is probably the most important thing to know.

Here are some disadvantages to self medicating

1. You have no idea how effectively it is working in your system. When a doctor does lab tests, he or she does that to make sure you are getting the full effects of HRT. Randomly popping in pills and gauging if its working because your nipples are sore is not a good way to monitor your progress.
2. Its crazy expensive if you don't know what you are doing. For example, a three months prescription of all the HRT you will need typically is about 35 dollars. (depending on your insurance company). I knew some girls who were spending 250 a month (750 dollars every 3 months) on HRT.

The bulk of those expenses were on massive doses of Progesterone. If you take massive doses of progesterone without medical supervision you minus well be playing Russian roulette. Its about as deadly. As you can see, 35 dollars is a little bit more cheaper than 750 dollars.
3. You have no idea what you are ingesting. True, there are some reputable overseas pharmacy companies you can order from but there are also so many out there that will put fillers in your medication. You may think you are ingesting a pure pill but most of it could be corn starch. Unless you have a lab at home, you simply do not know. The medications you are taking when prescribe comes from FDA approved pharmacy companies that has strict codes of Legislation. India, for self medicators, those codes are not as strict.

When it comes to self medicating, I will never judge anyone. I will never put anyone down for self medicating or give them "what for." However, you may see me expressing my concern over your safety if you tell me the levels of HRT you are taking or what combinations that may be deadly.

A friend will always help a friend from doing something from inadvertently hurting themselves. It is not judging but it is only through love that I would try to help someone where if they are self medicating that they need to know how to do it right.

Please be safe. Please research your drugs and quantities.

Internet Security

So many of us in this day and age takes internet security for granted. We assume that a good virus protector and a firewall is all we need. Sadly, this is further from the truth.

When you are dealing with your gender identity and exploring the internet looking for answers, it is best to use caution when approaching various websites. I say this from experience because I had a person who had stolen my identity. He had stolen many of my pictures, my name and my background and proceeded to do things in my name.

The issue was solved but it took my a few months to make things right.

Here are some tips where you will never go through the nightmare I did.

1. Make sure you pick a reputable transgender website that has information rich in transgender support, fellowship and education.

2. Be wary of Websites that promote porn ads. Many sites that also looks like a good source of information may also be a good source of information from undesirables that came from the porn sites that was connected to the "innocent" site you found. I recently turned down a Moderator Position because I discovered in the interview process that the site was in a fellowship of over 175 pornography sites. From the outside the site looked safe and sensible but on the pornography side they displayed banners of the transgender website so that "you can hook up with a shemale." The interviewing moderator said they get paid to be connected to all these websites because they use it as an outreach program for admirers to teach them the proper way of being with a transgender woman. The argument did not convince me in the slightest.

3. Make sure the website is password protected! This is very important. Without a password protected website where registering is not necessary, this can become a haven for people who have other nefarious interests in mind. The most simple registration process can eliminate many people who has anything in mind but to "learn" about us. Which brings me to a similar point:

4. The more involving the registration process to become a member of the website, the better. For example, if you have to fill out a lengthy page and have to answer questions about yourself then don't grumble! This is actually a good thing. From my experience, these websites are the most successful.

Finally, when I was suffering from identity theft I was given a website. This website is a miracle come true and it really works. The site is a reverse image search engine. For example, if you upload a picture on this site it will search out and give a list of other sites who shares the same exact picture. This comes in handy when you want to periodically check to see if someone is using your pics. Since I have used this site, I have found my pics on flickr and a couple of other sites I do not wish to share where non transgender people had stolen my pics to fulfill a fantasy by showing others on the internet they are trans.

Also to note about tin eye: if your pics are behind password protected websites such as facebook, passworded transgender sites, etc., they will not show up. The program isn't perfect but it is certainly a step in the right direction.

The website is called Tin Eye and can be found here 

Be safe out there!

Transgender Bullying

There was a saying I learned in undergraduate school and that is: "For every ten people who love you, three will hate you."

While I do not know who specifically coined that phrase or if it is even statistically accurate, it does has some hint of truth behind it.

I am a big advocate for educating people about transgender people. I am also a big advocate for treating every member of the transgender umbrella (Crossdressers, Transsexual, GenderQueer, BiGender, GenderBlender, etc etc) with the same equal respect as every other human being on the face of this earth. The only group of people that I have very little respect for is the Conservative Christian Church, but this is a fault of my own and I am currently working towards reconciliation with them.

Because I promote such a presence of equal standards among all of our brothers and sisters in the transgender arena, I am sometimes hated for it.Thank God I can only count one who really has it in for me (besides the stalker I once had....but that is for another blog entry!) but sometimes just one can be loud enough.

Today I have been a subject of a character assassination. There is a blog floating in the cyber stratosphere that a transgender woman wrote about me that is anything but pleasant. With that said, I will not provide you all with her link. The reason is being three fold: 1. She does not deserve the traffic to her blog site because it only promotes hatred. Every single one of her blogs is about hating someone or some website that are actually LGBT allies or LGBT themselves 2. I wont stoop to her level of immaturity and 3. I firmly believe she has the mental capacity of literally hurting someone; namely me.

Which brings me to my second point: do not believe everything you hear floating around in cyber space. I always have a saying: get two sides of a story before forming your opinion. Not only is it the civil thing to do but you will garnish respect for actually not choosing a side so blindly. Now of course, you can say that of me by the sheer principle that I brought her blog up but I did not give you all her name because she is not here to defend herself.

Transgender bullying is not only an issue among those who hate anything not considered "heterosexual"  but it is also an issue among our own. Other transgender may not see eye to eye and then resort to bullying. Some will be jealous and then resort to bullying or others do it just to get attention.

If you are transgender, do that right thing. Practice respect. No matter how different one transgender may seem to you, always practice respect. We need to hold each other up and comfort one another during our struggles because we all know being transgender is not as easy as a walk in the park. The last thing we need to do is attack each other.

Hormone Replacement Therapy and Sexual Orientation

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The death of a friend

Earlier this week i had been shocked over the death of a wonderful friend of mine. Like any tragedy, it came about unexpectedly and this one came without warning.

As I have immersed myself in the transgender community I have been painfully made aware just how common suicide is among our group. Before I became involved in the transgender community, I had two friends commit suicide in high school. In less than a year, I have lost four other friends to this act.

In terms of statistics, suicide among transgender people are really all over the place. One statistic has transgender suicide attempts at 50% before their 20th birthday and non transgender people, the rate is 3 per 100,000 people (The National Center for Suicide Prevention).

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has the suicide rate of the transgender population at 31 to 50%. Meaning, one out of every two transgender people you have met has tried to kill themselves or will be "successful" in their attempt.

Some doctors state that transgender mortality rates is between 60 and 70% (Dr. K Zucker and Blanchard). These mortality rates includes suicide and victims of a hate crime. It is a pretty sobering statistic (if indeed true) that I only have a 30% chance of dying a natural death as an elderly woman.

To put this into comparison, over 10 million US Soldiers participated in WW2. Out of the 10 million US Soldiers who fought, 295,000 were killed. Based on those statistics, you had a 67% chance of surviving as a US Soldier in WW2. As a transgender person, you only have a 40 to 30% chance of surviving until a natural death.

These numbers are not forever hammered and etched into marble. They can be changed and those numbers can be lessen.

We must be more proactive with ourselves and with our transgender brothers and sisters. I have lost four friends who were transgender. It is a real statistic.

Educating the population about us is the first good step. Educating the transgender population that we can get through this no matter how dark it is now is a first good step. However, these steps will be long and difficult but it can be done.

Every life, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, ethnicity, etc., is a valuable and special life. Each life branches out and touches those that they love and those who love them in return. No life is useless and all life is sacred.

If you are struggling and you feel the urge to give up, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or go to the emergency room. Despite what you may think, there are those who do care for you greatly.