Transgender Bullying

There was a saying I learned in undergraduate school and that is: "For every ten people who love you, three will hate you."

While I do not know who specifically coined that phrase or if it is even statistically accurate, it does has some hint of truth behind it.

I am a big advocate for educating people about transgender people. I am also a big advocate for treating every member of the transgender umbrella (Crossdressers, Transsexual, GenderQueer, BiGender, GenderBlender, etc etc) with the same equal respect as every other human being on the face of this earth. The only group of people that I have very little respect for is the Conservative Christian Church, but this is a fault of my own and I am currently working towards reconciliation with them.

Because I promote such a presence of equal standards among all of our brothers and sisters in the transgender arena, I am sometimes hated for it.Thank God I can only count one who really has it in for me (besides the stalker I once had....but that is for another blog entry!) but sometimes just one can be loud enough.

Today I have been a subject of a character assassination. There is a blog floating in the cyber stratosphere that a transgender woman wrote about me that is anything but pleasant. With that said, I will not provide you all with her link. The reason is being three fold: 1. She does not deserve the traffic to her blog site because it only promotes hatred. Every single one of her blogs is about hating someone or some website that are actually LGBT allies or LGBT themselves 2. I wont stoop to her level of immaturity and 3. I firmly believe she has the mental capacity of literally hurting someone; namely me.

Which brings me to my second point: do not believe everything you hear floating around in cyber space. I always have a saying: get two sides of a story before forming your opinion. Not only is it the civil thing to do but you will garnish respect for actually not choosing a side so blindly. Now of course, you can say that of me by the sheer principle that I brought her blog up but I did not give you all her name because she is not here to defend herself.

Transgender bullying is not only an issue among those who hate anything not considered "heterosexual"  but it is also an issue among our own. Other transgender may not see eye to eye and then resort to bullying. Some will be jealous and then resort to bullying or others do it just to get attention.

If you are transgender, do that right thing. Practice respect. No matter how different one transgender may seem to you, always practice respect. We need to hold each other up and comfort one another during our struggles because we all know being transgender is not as easy as a walk in the park. The last thing we need to do is attack each other.

Hormone Replacement Therapy and Sexual Orientation

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The death of a friend

Earlier this week i had been shocked over the death of a wonderful friend of mine. Like any tragedy, it came about unexpectedly and this one came without warning.

As I have immersed myself in the transgender community I have been painfully made aware just how common suicide is among our group. Before I became involved in the transgender community, I had two friends commit suicide in high school. In less than a year, I have lost four other friends to this act.

In terms of statistics, suicide among transgender people are really all over the place. One statistic has transgender suicide attempts at 50% before their 20th birthday and non transgender people, the rate is 3 per 100,000 people (The National Center for Suicide Prevention).

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has the suicide rate of the transgender population at 31 to 50%. Meaning, one out of every two transgender people you have met has tried to kill themselves or will be "successful" in their attempt.

Some doctors state that transgender mortality rates is between 60 and 70% (Dr. K Zucker and Blanchard). These mortality rates includes suicide and victims of a hate crime. It is a pretty sobering statistic (if indeed true) that I only have a 30% chance of dying a natural death as an elderly woman.

To put this into comparison, over 10 million US Soldiers participated in WW2. Out of the 10 million US Soldiers who fought, 295,000 were killed. Based on those statistics, you had a 67% chance of surviving as a US Soldier in WW2. As a transgender person, you only have a 40 to 30% chance of surviving until a natural death.

These numbers are not forever hammered and etched into marble. They can be changed and those numbers can be lessen.

We must be more proactive with ourselves and with our transgender brothers and sisters. I have lost four friends who were transgender. It is a real statistic.

Educating the population about us is the first good step. Educating the transgender population that we can get through this no matter how dark it is now is a first good step. However, these steps will be long and difficult but it can be done.

Every life, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, ethnicity, etc., is a valuable and special life. Each life branches out and touches those that they love and those who love them in return. No life is useless and all life is sacred.

If you are struggling and you feel the urge to give up, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or go to the emergency room. Despite what you may think, there are those who do care for you greatly.

Religion and the Queer Folks

During my journeys as a person of religious faith I have encountered the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. For the better part of my younger religious journey I had been heavily discipled in the perspectives that being gay or lesbian was laced in sinful practice. Transgender people were not immune either.

I struggled with this for a great amount of time shortly after my "conversion experience" in the Christian church. I became a Christian in the Assemblies of God church where I was taught heavily the blacks and whites of Biblical Interpretation. Shades of grey were dismissed as wild imaginations of the sinful flesh trying to beat back the yearning spiritual soul that wanted only sanctification.

Being a young Christian and at the age of 18, I was very impressionable. I believed everything that was taught to me. As I entered Valley Forge Christian College, I desired to learn more what my Pastor could not teach me.

It was there where my world was shaken again. Before I had became a Christian, I was pro choice, pro feminist, and I knew I was not a boy (but had not yet known the term of transgender in which I could identify myself). During my second semester, these feelings started to scream from within the deep recesses of my soul. I had buried my convictions in the rose smelling dirt and concrete of a "Christian Lifestyle." Questions started to well up and many of the scriptures I was taught that condemned homosexuality or anything contrary to a heterosexual lifestyle started to become greys rather than black and whites.

Monday through Friday I would be the good conservative christian "boy" and attend the college chapel services while Saturday and Sunday I would drive many miles away from the college to date other guys my age. There was one thing I did manage to keep out of all of this mess and that was my virginity. I still had convictions that was to be for someone incredibly special and was to only be taken away on my wedding night.

Needless to say the internal torment was great.

Throughout my years of ministry, I had a heart for the LGBT community. Not a heart to "save" the LGBT community but a heart of knowing I was one of their sisters. And yet, I was grieved beyond comprehension because I was part of growing number of conservative churches who daily publicly condemned the LGBT community.

I was also married to my sweetheart who was very conservative. I kept my transgender identity from her and from myself. I had made a sacrifice to kill a part of myself in order to make her happy. In all honesty, she did not deserve this mess I was part of. I remained faithful to her and it was only after our divorce that I made the decision to transition to female.

As I attend Lancaster Theological Seminary, I am refreshed to know there is a very large progressive christian community who knows that the LGBT are not pitiful sinners but equal partners of this earth shared by everyone.

I branched out my faith as well. I picked up my Pagan passions that I had prior to my Christian conversion. Yes. I am a witch. I am also interfaith. I believe in truth of all the religions that our Creator had given to us. A person once asked a member of an Ecumenical Council "Why did a Creator create such a diversity of religion?" The man replied, "So that we must learn to understand one another despite the diversity. We are one on this planet."

I still embrace the Christian theology of Jesus as the Son of God but I also embrace my Goddess who represents the moon and my God who represents the Sun. I find harmony in this light as I find harmony in all things that try to live peacefully with one another.

When I was part of the conservative Christian movement, I was led to believe that LGBT and Holiness cannot occupy the same body. Now, I am part of the progressive Christian movement that believes LGBT and holiness not only compliments one another but is the image of diversity to bring us together as humanity just as religion in all its diversity is designed to bring us all together.

If you are transgender and you feel tied to Christianity, I implore you to seek out churches who will not only accept you but will embrace you as an important member of their congregation. There are so many churches (and many more everyday) out there. All you need to do is look.

If you are pagan, do not be afraid to explore this spiritual part of your life. It is a wonderful and beautiful path to walk down.

"Being religious" and "being Queer" is not an oxymoron.

Transgender Melancholiness

It always seems like whenever someone meets me and gets to know me in person and then finds out later that I am transgender the usual comment is "wow, you're not like the other transgender girls that I have met."

Well, first of all, I thought we were kinda a rarity in the terms of the whole straight, lesbian, gay, bi sexual worlds so hearing that comment usually always have me thinking "wow, you met more transgender people in person than I have!" I don't think we are as rare as one would think but I haven't really met face to face many transgender people. But that is beside the point.

The second thing I usually think of is "why do you say that? Are we all kinda crazy from the encounters you have had?"

Personally, I really don't know what I think about that topic of craziness and transgender people. To be honest, I think when it comes to mental stability, we are just like any other person. You have those who are on the straight and narrow, you have those who are not and you have those in between. Now, I have not met many transgender girls "in real life" but I know many online and they are pretty much on the same level as the rest of society.

However, I do have to say that we probably wrestle with depression a helluva lot more than your typical "straight soccer mom." We are born in the wrong body. That has to put our brains in the blender at some point in our lives.

When it comes to Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID), I can safely say that is all but a distant memory to me since I transitioned (for those who do not know what GID is, it is an unnerving pain in the ass depression that always chips away at your resolve because you are not presenting in the gender you know you were meant to be). Thank goddess that issue has been resolved for me. I am not out of the boat yet.

I still suffer from bouts of melancholiness. Not depression really....melancholy. It will always be with me until I a reunited with my children. I lost all three one day without warning because my ex became involved in a sect of a religion that promoted hate more than love and charity. The last time I had seen my three children (ages 2, 7, and 9) was Wednesday night, August 19, 2009. In a snap of a finger, they were gone. My gender therapists had told me that the pain is identical of a parent loosing three of their children through a death because I have not seen, nor heard from them since that Wednesday night. Not one day goes by where I do not collapse on my bed or sofa and weep for them. Sure, I know they are still alive but the pain of not holding them, kissing them, telling them their bedtime stories, sharing in their lives is the same intolerable pain. The more frustrating thing is the fact that they have no idea that their daddy is now one of their mommies. When the time do come to pass where I will be able to see them, they may be young adults and I can only pray that they did not fall down the same destructive spiritual path their biological mother went down.

When I first started to transition, the excitement of me becoming the woman I was suppose to be had masked the grief loosing my children but as I have become used to being a woman that pain for my children grows only stronger.

I feel blessed that I do not suffer from many of the mental ailments that my transgender brothers and sisters face because if I had to go through those ailments on top of the grief for my children, I simply do not know how I would respond.

So, I may seem like the "normal" transgender girl so many of my friends are not used to seeing but deep down inside I still ache and hurt. It may not be manic depression, bi polar disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome or whatever but I still hurt and my soul is terribly empty and will remain so until I can kiss my children again.

We all go through crap in life. If we didn't, we would not be human. Some have heavier crosses to bear than others but in end, pain hurts no matter what form pain manifests in.

Musa Acuminata? Musa Balbisiana? Bananas?

The almighty label. What do we call it? What should we call it? Should the label change? What if I like to say Banana more than Musa Acuminata and what if someone gets offended if I did not use the label Musa Balbisiana? I don't want to offend but at the same time, I don't know what to call it!

This has been a typical response from our transgender allies when it comes to our "label" and they have every right to be confused because we, as transgender people, cannot even make up our own minds on what label offends us and what does not!

I am talking about the growing trend of transgender people in our circles trying to force one label over another or even having no label at all! Confused? I am. And I'm transgender!

The debate that has been brewing back and forth is whether or not to label a transgender (who is going through the therapy steps of transitioning) a transsexual or a transgender. Some activists will scream "transsexual cause a transgender is a crossdresser and I don't wanna be associated with those people!" and some will scream "transgender because the word transsexual is actually incorrect to describe our gender identity!"

The LGBT non-profits organizations is starting to feel the heat too. For example, GLAAD had been pressured into renaming their label "transsexual" because "transgender" stood for "fake women who like their penis."  The HRC was pressured into putting "transgender" in their brochures on how to talk to a transgender person because transgenders will take great offense to the word transsexual as it connotates an era of drag queens and transvestites (oh....and transvestites is a no no for the crossdressing gals. It's an outdated label).

As you browse through the sites of LGBT organizations you will see the labels change depending on which person gave them hell for what label. It can be very frustrating for these organizations who only want to promote education of LGBT to the masses when they get criticized for a simple label. It is like a baby screaming at it's mother about which diaper to use. The mother can just leave you naked because where would you be then? Poop everywhere!

Studies have shown that allies of transgender people are afraid to talk to transgenders simply because they are afraid of offending the transgender. Frankly, I cannot blame the ally for feeling this way. I am transgender myself and I often think before I ask a question to another transgender. Studies have also shown that transgender women (male to female.....oh and male to female can also be construed as offensive since we were never male to begin with) take more offense to the labeling than transgender men (female to male).

Sticking to labels like they are ancient religious doctrine can get you in trouble. At first you may be sympathetic to why you stand on one label and not others but I have seen first hand transgender people become more and "elitist" as they stick to their label and only their label. The mentality can develop where one transgender could think another transgender is a "fake" (a person who thinks they are a transgender but they are only a crossdresser who hopes to achieve the immortal pedestal of the real transgender....according to the "elistist"...I swear, I am not making this up).

Here's an idea. Continue to use whatever label you have chosen for yourself but have the civility to understand that other transgender may want to use a different label that you may not agree with. Who cares if someone wants to be labeled as:

Transgender
Transsexual
T
Pre Op/Post Op
Non Op
Tgirl
Tboy
Female
Male
(and everything in between)

The most important thing you need to worry about is yourself. Worrying, arguing, and fighting over labels will do absolutely nothing but give you high blood pressure and I think we ALL can agree no one wants that!

Social activism based on respect and not on fear mongering

I have noticed an uneasy trend among the transgender community. I am not saying it is everywhere and it is with every transgender person but it is something that I have been seeing more of and that is the "over bearing of our rights and ideals" against people who do not deserve to be attacked.

I am an activist and I volunteer with many humanitarian not for profits to push equality for all LGBT people. With that said, there is a right way of going about doing this and there is a wrong way.

The wrong way is to send angry letters to everyone "you heard" have been unfair to us. Please, before sending out angry letter or emails to someone you "heard about" on the Internet, make SURE you get BOTH sides of the story.

When you approach an issue with respect, you will more than likely get respect in return. If you act out in anger against someone you do not know the whole picture of, you certainly will not create change. Take the Christian Church and LGBT for example. More and more churches are accepting and embracing anyone who is Lesbian, Gay Bisexual, Transgender, etc. Each year, dozens of more churches are embracing us and each year more Denominations are doing likewise.

This was not done because a bunch of angry LGBT people wrote angry letters to church leaders. Rather, we used our abilities to approach them in a respectable manner and to show them various Bible transliterations to show that LGBT issues are not a sin. As a result, you see acceptance in an area where you would least likely see acceptance. I am a living example of this. I am an out of the closet full time TG girl who goes to a Christian Seminary. Twenty years ago, this would have been impossible.

Another important point is, teach through education and not through angry emails. If someone had said something wrong, don't go off on them. More than likely they are ignorant of the issue and even if they are being biased, you can still educate them without stooping down to their level.

Martin Luther King, Jr did plenty of activism but he did not resort in low balling and the such. He showed his vision through respect and integrity and so many of his dreams have been fulfilled. 

Christianity and the Transgender

For many of us, it seems that we as Transgender people and Christianity mixes just as well as oil and water. Many of us has been hurt, oppressed, or abused by the Christian Church. So many of us had sadly never transitioned to our preferred gender because of the social stigmas placed upon us by the Church. I was the same way.

I had gone to an Assemblies of God Bible College and had pastored in a number of Conservative Christian Churches. While I ministered to those in my churches, I had always kept my true identity hidden; very hidden. While I never publicly followed the conservative rhetoric of the condemnation of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi Sexual and Transgender), I cringed and died a little inside everytime someone who professed love in Christ could be so condemning of anyone who did not fit their mold of an ideal Christian follower.

After my ex had left me and taken my children from way in the name of Jesus, I had given up all hope of religion. It would have been so easy for me to just be an Atheist but I knew in my heart that I believed in a Creator. Now, I had to restart my journey to figure out if the Creator I had worshipped was only in my head, did not exist or really was this God "who hated fags."

I was in dire search of so many things in my life two years ago. Not only was I trying to rediscover who I truly am, but I needed to know if there was something out there that was bigger than anything that held any creadible belief that a higher power did exist.

As I searched for new job opportunities, the vocation of Ministry was last on my list. I was in a period of transition from male to female and everything that I knew about Christianity made this dream about as obtainable as me winning the Gold Medal in the Olympic Figure Skating sport.

However, I refused to give up.

I had been about 5 months into my transition when I discovered a website hosted by the United Church of Christ and they had a page entirely devoted to LGBT causes. Never in my life have I seen such a site. I had always knew about the issues with the Episcopal Churches accepting LGBT but I had always heard it through the lips of a Conservative Christian believer and it was never uplifting.

After finding a seminary and applying, I had been accepted to Lancaster Theological Seminary as Annah. My first day as Annah was actually the first day of classes. I received nothing but overwhelming support from these Christian students, faculty, and administration.

During my time here, my theological perspectives had become much more interfaith and I learned something valuable: there was so many churches that embrace LGBT people. My eyes had been so shielded by the Conservative Church that any notion of Progressive Churches that embraced "queer" people was just a dream. It seems, my dreams had come true.

If you are struggling with you own issues in regards to Christianity and your own sexuality or gender orientation, I urge you to not throw in the towel just yet. Many churches are embracing us. One girl I had talked to said she lived in an area of Michigan where she knew no churches would accept her. After literally just 2 minutes of searching, I found a church that was open and affirming to LGBT people. So never give up. There are more churches that are not close minded than you think!

To get you started, the United Church of Christ, the Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Lutheran Churches of America, the Episcopal Church, The Unitarian Universalist Churches, the Disciples of Christ, Progressive Mennonite Churches, The United Methodist are close to passing a clergy law to allow LGBT clergy to be ordained, Presbyterian Church USA, many Quakers, Unification Church, United Church of Canada, Unity School of Christianity and Waldensian churches embraces and ordains LGBT people.

If you are other faiths (these faiths embraces LGBT):

Almost all Earth Based religions such as Heathenism, Wiccan, Druidism, Neo Paganism all embrace LGBT people.

Jewish:

Conservative and Reformed Judaism all embrace LGBT

Islam:

Sufi and New Nation of Islam embraces LGBT

Buddism

Our western "concept of LGBT" is accepted by Hindus

There are so many more out there!

Just remember, if you think all hope is lost because God "hates queer people" please know that these churches are just one viewpoint. There are so many religious institutions that embrace us for who we are and  not what Levitical law we uphold.

A story I shared with my Therapist last year

It was one of my last sessions with her and we sat facing each other in her office and she asked me her last question.

"Have you ever regretted being a male...when you look back are there any regrets?"

I told her "no, I never had any regrets presenting male."

I then explained my answer to her.

"I understand some girls really hated being male and this was something they had to do to transition. It was life or death. For them that is their burden and I respect that and in some ways I know what they are going through but to be honest I never hated it."

"Really?" She asked. "Explain more"

"well, I see my life in terms of a Buddhist monk. A Buddhist monk knows without a shadow of a doubt that he or she does not belong in this transitory world. The life after this world is their ultimate achievement in which they know they are enlightened and can pass on to Nirvana in which their soul becomes part of the greater universal consciousness. To a Buddhist Monk or follower there is no greatest achievement to have.

However, they know they live in this world right now and they made peace that they are here for however long of a time that their bodies allow them to remain. They make the best of it. The meditate, pray, involve themselves in helping others, and they assist the poor or those who cannot take care of themselves. While they passionately know this world isn't the ultimate answer, they also understand that they belong to the world for whatever time they have.

In terms of me being male and with reflection, I see those traits in my life. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I did not belong in this body. I made the best of it. I had three beautiful children and I got to see what is was like to live a life in a male gender under these male social roles. With that said, I knew this was only a transitory life for me and being female was the ultimate goal for my direction.

When I transition, I will take the appreciations and gifts I had learned and experienced as a male to heart but as a female, only will my true sense of purpose can be realized. I have no regrets. I can only look forward and immerse myself in the dreams that have come true."

I wanted to share that in case others had the same reflections.

Sexuality Class

This week we have a few classes covering the topic of transgenderism. While the first class dealt with the issues, terms, and definitions of transgender and me and a transguy answered questions, the second class spoke about other factors regarding the transgender arena.

Two discussions that really got my attention was the negativity about us being included in the "LGBT" acronym an the other discussion was about how our terminology changes, literally, month after month or where we do not agree on certain issues as transgender people.

The first being the "LGBT" acronym. It was suggested that some transgender people who do not want to be associated with this acronym do so because of the social negative outlook on gay and lesbian people and because they have had bad experiences with the gay or lesbian population. It was suggested that a good amount of transgender girls have identified as lesbian but still would not want to be included in the LGBT spectrum. Being associated as a gay or lesbian is something they don't want even though they identify as a lesbian if they date another female. Statistics also show that transgender female are more passionate about not being part of the LGBT spectrum than transgender males. Some people would contribute this as transgender girls not wanting to be labeled anything that would alienate themselves from people that relationships have already been strained by coming out as transgender. Studies have also shown that Straight transgender females have a more accepting view of the LGBT acronym than Lesbian transgender females.

The second viewpoint is the way we change the acceptance of certain words that identify the transsexual or transgender. Allies have discussed how confusion it is when they approach a transgender person because one transgender person would be offended if the Allie called them transgender and not transsexual; others will be offended if an Allie called them a transsexual and not a transgender and others would be offended if they were called anything but female. Also, it was shown that transgender females have a more "passionate mentality" of their label than a transgender male. The most recent source of this evidence is from Chaz Bono's documentary. While the allies thought that Chaz's documentary was incredibly successful in promoting transgender equality and information, many transgender people went back and forth about how much of a success he was in his documentary while others thought it was an utter failure.

Fundamentalist Social Activists

We had a discussion at my seminary earlier this week in one of my classes regarding fundamentalism and the various perspectives of fundamentalism.

If you aren't familiar with the term fundamentalism, it basically has roots in a theological meaning where someone takes a certain religious book word by word as if it actually occured. In terms of a social situation, this ties into many other agendas when fundamentalism is adhered to it (such as same sex marriage, homosexuality, etc etc).

However, the term fundamentalism has evolved into other areas when describing an action or a motive in which you take way beyond the level of effectiveness and start to stamp black and white requirements on an issue versus having it in blends on grays. It also boils down to "you are wrong and I am right" without any mediation in between.

My Seminary is very big on social justice. I mean, it has to be considering we are one of very few Seminaries who openly embrace LGBT people, perform same sex unions, participates in race against racism and other events. However, we had a discussion on when Social Justice activities simply goes to far.

When we fight for our rights as human beings and to have people recognize our diversity as a valuable standard in which we are human beings that is a wonderful thing to fight for. However, you can take it too far.

Writing letters, calling up people, and threatening them with their jobs because something "appears" to be out of place when you do not investigate both sides of the story is not social justice.

One has to be very careful not to "give them hell" on every single possible issue that arises because that can be worked against us. While it is very true, we need our rights we also need to be compassionate enough to know when it is a time to fight and a time to realize the situation isn't as bad as it sounds.

I've seen some people become so obsessed about "giving people what for" that their angry letters become easily dismissed. It's easy to whine and complain. It actually takes virtue to meet on a neutral setting and discuss the issues appropriately.

If we are task with educating people about who we are as a people and as part of a human race, it is better to approach people who do not agree with respect and to let them know who were are. There is a time and a place to fight, but wanting people to mail letters to every Tom, Dick, and Harry when we only know one side of the issue is not only ineffective but it does not put us in a good light when there are others trying to educate them about who we are in a delicate but firm manner.

Our professor coined it ""born again fundamental social justicist."