I struggled with this for a great amount of time shortly after my "conversion experience" in the Christian church. I became a Christian in the Assemblies of God church where I was taught heavily the blacks and whites of Biblical Interpretation. Shades of grey were dismissed as wild imaginations of the sinful flesh trying to beat back the yearning spiritual soul that wanted only sanctification.
Being a young Christian and at the age of 18, I was very impressionable. I believed everything that was taught to me. As I entered Valley Forge Christian College, I desired to learn more what my Pastor could not teach me.
It was there where my world was shaken again. Before I had became a Christian, I was pro choice, pro feminist, and I knew I was not a boy (but had not yet known the term of transgender in which I could identify myself). During my second semester, these feelings started to scream from within the deep recesses of my soul. I had buried my convictions in the rose smelling dirt and concrete of a "Christian Lifestyle." Questions started to well up and many of the scriptures I was taught that condemned homosexuality or anything contrary to a heterosexual lifestyle started to become greys rather than black and whites.
Monday through Friday I would be the good conservative christian "boy" and attend the college chapel services while Saturday and Sunday I would drive many miles away from the college to date other guys my age. There was one thing I did manage to keep out of all of this mess and that was my virginity. I still had convictions that was to be for someone incredibly special and was to only be taken away on my wedding night.
Needless to say the internal torment was great.
Throughout my years of ministry, I had a heart for the LGBT community. Not a heart to "save" the LGBT community but a heart of knowing I was one of their sisters. And yet, I was grieved beyond comprehension because I was part of growing number of conservative churches who daily publicly condemned the LGBT community.
I was also married to my sweetheart who was very conservative. I kept my transgender identity from her and from myself. I had made a sacrifice to kill a part of myself in order to make her happy. In all honesty, she did not deserve this mess I was part of. I remained faithful to her and it was only after our divorce that I made the decision to transition to female.
As I attend Lancaster Theological Seminary, I am refreshed to know there is a very large progressive christian community who knows that the LGBT are not pitiful sinners but equal partners of this earth shared by everyone.
I branched out my faith as well. I picked up my Pagan passions that I had prior to my Christian conversion. Yes. I am a witch. I am also interfaith. I believe in truth of all the religions that our Creator had given to us. A person once asked a member of an Ecumenical Council "Why did a Creator create such a diversity of religion?" The man replied, "So that we must learn to understand one another despite the diversity. We are one on this planet."
I still embrace the Christian theology of Jesus as the Son of God but I also embrace my Goddess who represents the moon and my God who represents the Sun. I find harmony in this light as I find harmony in all things that try to live peacefully with one another.
When I was part of the conservative Christian movement, I was led to believe that LGBT and Holiness cannot occupy the same body. Now, I am part of the progressive Christian movement that believes LGBT and holiness not only compliments one another but is the image of diversity to bring us together as humanity just as religion in all its diversity is designed to bring us all together.
If you are transgender and you feel tied to Christianity, I implore you to seek out churches who will not only accept you but will embrace you as an important member of their congregation. There are so many churches (and many more everyday) out there. All you need to do is look.
If you are pagan, do not be afraid to explore this spiritual part of your life. It is a wonderful and beautiful path to walk down.
"Being religious" and "being Queer" is not an oxymoron.
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